Day 1- The Beginning

I once heard a television doctor say that once a person reaches 400 lbs, there’s no going back from there. I hope to prove him wrong. So here it is. My Goliath. 446 lbs of death that is threatening to kill me. And I, Vee Cee, a humble giant slayer who comes before the giant in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the all power and salvation, King Jesus Christ. Here’s the day I begin this adventure. And you’re welcome to join me on it. This journey has been in process for eight years, and in order to properly proceed, here’s a summary of the story:

Eight years ago I was a full time youth leader and Bible college student struggling with weight loss (a struggle since childhood). One day I check my credit card balance online. I open the statement and see that out of 13 transactions, 10 of them were for food. Having had a relationship with Jesus Christ my whole life I asked him, “Lord, is this normal?” He quickly showed me it wasn’t and He revealed to me that I had a problem. I logged on to a 12 step website that had a 15 question test to assess if you had an addiction. The test read that if you answered yes to at least 3 of the questions, then the answer was most likely yes. I answered yes to 14 out of 15 questions. Needless to say, the Lord did in fact reveal that my problem was real, and severe. Thus began the journey. Now, I always knew I was overweight. But it never mattered to me. Having had Jesus as my best friend, Father, and well, my everything, my identity was not an issue. I didn’t struggle with self-esteem problems because my esteem was always in Christ. Yet I never saw my obesity as disobedience or sin against God. It wasn’t until this day that I knew I had sinned against Him and therefore it became not a food issue, but a heart issue. As the years passed I walked the 12 steps and was in and out of those incredibly welcoming and loving rooms. Yet as I continued on my journey, I reached a moment in which I had to see my food issues not as a disease issue, but as a heart issue, like the Lord had revealed that fateful day online. (Now I don’t mean that as judgement to anyone in the programs. I love the programs and they will always have a special place in my heart). But as a Bible believing, disciple of Jesus, I knew something was missing. Through God’s wisdom alone, I labeled my issues with overeating, and under eating as “gluttony” and it was then and only then that I could see it for what it was, SIN. Once I understood that I had sinned against a Holy God, the Lord led me in repentance. I wish I could say that everything changed and was hunky dory after that. That was not the case, however. After this incident I became the caregiver to my elderly, absentee father (that’ll be a blog on its own one day). My dad was in his late seventies and he had a slew of health issues including dementia, diabetes, hypertension, renal failure and as I took over his care he began dialysis. Not necessarily obese, he did had a weight issue, but it was weight due to his alcoholism. Anyway, after caring for him for several years (the hardest, and most challenging, and greatest years) my father passed away in the winter of 2013. Immediately after his death my first words were, “Now what do I do with my life?” To which my older sister replied, “take care of yourself.” See, I had a seemingly full understanding of my sin and food issues, but I wasn’t trying to stop it at all. I was passively ignoring the problem. Upon my father’s passing, I was forced to look at my own heart when in April of 2014 I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. I was always afraid of that diagnosis because I knew it would mean that I did that to myself. That I became sick because of my own lack of self-control. Fearing for my life, I surrendered to the Lord and begged him for mercy. Month by month I was getting better after changing absolutely everything in my life. I cut out sugar, salt, carbs and ate the healthiest and cleanest, and most (more on that later) I ever had. After losing 70 lbs, the doctor checks my A1-C numbers and tells me that I am NO longer diabetic, in fact, I am not even pre-diabetic she says. It was the greatest day of my life! I went on to lose another ten pounds and then… I screwed it all up. Just like addiction to drugs and alcohol, I went back to my old habits. One compromise at a time, over two years, I ate my way back up to 458 lbs, and pre-diabetic in February of 2016.

This of course is as short a summary as I can write, simply because the context is crucial here. After that weigh-in in February, I was terrified and started the battle to lose weight again. I dropped 30 lbs and was well on my way, until… you guessed it! I stopped. One compromise at a time, I ate my way back to 447 lbs, and at the diabetic border. Three weeks ago I was heading home after a prayer meeting and I felt the left side of my face weaker than the right. Knowing my genes, my morbid obesity, and the signs of strokes, I knew I had to go to the ER. After hours of waiting the PA-C finally diagnoses me with Bells Palsy. A sudden onset of muscle weakness on one side of the face. It causes that side to droop as if you had a stroke. Scary stuff. Needless to say, it was enough to sober me up and cause me to take a good look at myself and what I had once again done. Compromise by compromise and here I am. Once again, broken and crying out to the Lord. Literally living out Psalm 107. So, instead of doing it the same way as usual, I am proposing to do it differently. I will attempt to blog 365 days in the life of a giant slayer. I am not starting all over from the beginning, rather I am dusting myself off and simply picking myself up again. I will attempt to check in daily, and let you know how my food is going all in the hopes of encouraging and helping YOU out on your journey, whatever that may be. I pray this will be a testimony for Jesus, and that in the end, He alone will be glorified. Here goes everything…

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3 thoughts on “Day 1- The Beginning

  1. “Here goes everything”. I hope to engage well and allow your blog to pierce me, rather than just grabbing the pop corn, but actually opening my eyes to my own sin.

    Like

  2. Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. Duet 31:6

    This is so right and good. You are supposed to go forward into the promises God has given us to conquer and enter freedom. I am honored to walk beside you on this journey. I put on my armor with you as we prepare to do battle against our enemy so that we may enter the place of promise. We have nothing to fear because our God and King has already promised us this freedom. So we charge forward together, courageous and strong!!!

    Like

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