Here are some random facts about me. I am a nursing student, and I am simultaneously a Theatre artist (playwright/performer). I’m often asked why I don’t quit one to pursue the other fully, yet the Anton Chekhov in me cannot leave either one, its Theatre & Medicine. And no it cannot be just one.
As an actor, one of the most common questions we ask ourselves is “what’s my motivation?” As a playwright, one of things I must ask myself of each character’s movement is “what is their need?” Well, I thought I’d take a moment to answer both of these questions for the sake of this journey.
What is my motivation? Being obese hasn’t been fun, despite the true joy I get from the Lord, it has been such a struggle. The motivation for submitting to Jesus, and the fight for weight loss is beyond the clear health benefits. As a caregiver for the past sixteen years, I have spent the majority of my adult life in and out of hospitals. If I wasn’t there for my oldest sister, I was there for my Nana, or my best friend, or for my Father. At one point my sister and father were in two separate hospitals across town from each other at the same time. How did I cope, you ask? I thought I was running to Jesus for strength, but really, I was binge eating. Medicating my sorrow and my responsibilities in high calorie, sugary, fattening foods. All that time I deceived myself, thinking I was being obedient to the Lord, and yet, I was hoarding my secret sin. There’s no such thing by the way, “secret sin.” That has always been one of my laments that weight/food issues are unfortunate because I cannot hide my sin as well as the person who is lying, cheating, coveting, or indulging in something other than food can. Secret sin, I’ve come to learn, always exposes you. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. If you think you are hiding pride, jealousy, or hate, your words will betray you. People can always read the sin on us. I consider that a blessing, to be quite honest. I need the Church, because I can lie to myself better than the rest of them. Anyway, I digress!
Being in and out of hospitals, the Lord led me to nursing school. When my Nana passed away I felt like He made clear that I was supposed to pursue medicine. A few years prior while in Bible College my desire was to do Missions. I planned to leave the country three separate times. First to Ireland for three months and the Lord held me back. Then to Ecuador for six months, and the Lord intercepted my plot, and finally to Iraq for a year, and the Lord kept me home to take care of my father. In one way or another, the Lord stopped every one of my plans. It wasn’t until I felt the leading to attend nursing school that I felt I was on the right track. Then as time went on the Lord showed me the reason for all my hospital hours, care giving, and my passion for missions. Thus, my motivation to get healthy is first and foremost for the Lord’s glory and honor. Secondly, it’s to do medical missions. But how can I be a missionary medic when I can’t physically run fast enough to dodge danger? I’m not trying to fit into a dress for a special occasion, I’m not trying to make anyone jealous. I just want to OBEY the Lord who has been so good and merciful to me! Which brings me to…
What is my need? To OBEY the Lord Jesus who gave everything for me. Is this really a need? Does this really drive me? I must be honest and say that there are times that I forget this. It’s sad, but true. I’m not now nor will I ever be, as faithful as Jesus is. But, with all of my being, I confess that it is my need. I want to be obedient because I love Jesus. Because He is so loving and gracious with me, He gave His life for me, why would I not give Him mine in return? His life for mine, really!
That being said, here are some physical motivations. I was given an early Christmas gift, this awesome fitbit charge 2 (I LOVE to watch the numbers rise!) which I think is a great tool for fitness! Its very motivating! And these marble filled jars which I have filled with 100 marbles, each one represents one pound. Believe it or not, it really excites me to move one little marble. I labeled the pounds to lose as “PRISON” and the pounds crushed as “FREEDOM.” These are the words that elicit the most passion and drive in me. Choose whatever pushes and drives you.
One of the passages I studied today was Proverbs 15. And i must share how this verse really blessed my heart! “The path of life leads upward for the prudent, that he may turn away from Sheol beneath.” –Proverbs 15:24.
One of my biggest prayers when I am walking on that treadmill is “Lord save me from Sheol (hell).” It was such a wonderful reminder that the Lord hears my pleas and He has not now, nor will He ever leave me or forsake me. And if you are a believer and you have given Him your life, you too have that promise. He will not leave you, nor forsake you, whatever Giant you are facing! Endure my friends, endure!