Just wanted to take a moment to define some vocabulary I often use.
1.) CLEAN FOODS: When I mention clean food, I’m talking about food that is healthy and good for me. Stuff like veggies, two fruits a day (fruit is a carb thus, when sticking to a diabetic diet it’s encouraged to only eat 2 pieces of fruit a day. I will usually pick two of these options… 1/2c of berries, 1/2 banana, a small red delicious apple (my fave), a kiwi, a cutie, 1/2 c grapes or 1/2 c of watermelon. These are the ones I prefer. Mangoes, and watermelon are the ones I’m most carful with because they’re sweeter, and in mango’s case, starchier.) Anyway, clean foods are also nuts, chicken, beef, fish, cheeses, and small portions (1/4-1/2 c) of brown rice, grits, beans, sweet potato, and even sometimes a white potato. I eat these with minimal olive oil use, no-very low salt, no added sugar, no frying and no caffeine, or sugary drinks. This all sums up “Clean Food.” I’m talking about food that’s clean of dyes, and human tampering, and stuff that’s good for my heart and spirit.
2.) MESSY FOODS: Are everything else. Anything in a package. Anything that has been touched by human intentions. Salty, sugary, starchy, carby foods like pizza, chips, cookies, fried chicken, etc. Messy foods are high carb foods that mess with my head and heart. Like Thanksgiving side dishes, that I ate too much of this Thanksgiving! It’s not just junk food, it’s anything that sways me from eating in a God-honoring way!
3.) GOD HONORING EATING: I use this phrase to define the times that I am eating in a way that glorifies God. It’s allowing God to be Lord over every part of my life, including my eating.
4.) GODLESS EATING: Is the exact opposite. It’s when I binge and eat in a way that is void of the presence of God as Savior from this old habit and sinful way, and it is also void of God as Lord over my eating. It’s me eating for my own pleasure, glory, and satisfaction.
Great, now that I’ve defined it, you can know what I mean when I mention it. Today is day two after hearing about my 2 lb gain. I’ll be totally honest and confess that I’m so annoyed with that. I have no one to blame but myself. I chose to eat messy food.
I think I did out of laziness to be quite honest. The leftovers were accessible and easy, so I ate that because of convenience. But one thing I’ve learned through this process is that weight loss is NOT easy. There is no part of this process that is easy. What’s that saying, “if it were easy, everyone would do it.” That’s so true.
I think I can get up and walk out of this tiny setback (if I can even call it that) and do my best to remember the lesson in it all. Do the work, don’t take the easy way. The most important thing after weight gain is to keep going. If I let it, these two pounds will kill me. They’ll mess with my mind and I’ll run to binging over it.
That’s how my mind works. I’m upset, I eat. I’m lonely, I eat. I’m sad, I eat. I’m bored, I eat. I’m happy, I eat, I succeeded in something, I eat. I failed at something, I eat. Food has been my best friend, my lover, my medicine, my hero, my comrade, my babysitter, my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, my leader, my mentor, my all in all. People, I’m not kidding when I tell you that food has been my god. The worst sentence I can utter. But that’s the truth. One day I’ll tell you how I got there and what binge eating is actually like.
That’s what this is all about. Not allowing food to be my god. I am fighting to rip food out of the seat of my King, Jesus Christ who is my Lord and Savior, and who is now and will always be, better than food. I just want to make this clear. Food was my god, “their god is their belly” (Phil. 3:19). When I eat in a Godless way, I declare that again. I declare food the god of my life. But when I eat in a God honoring way, Jesus sits on the throne of my life and I give Him his rightful position as LORD.
Writing all of this really helped me wrestle through this little setback. I feel like I have a better handle on this right now and like I can move on and be okay with the weight gain because I’m looking at it in light of what it could have been. I am a champion overeater. If it were an Olympic sport, I’d have a gold medal, ten in fact. If it were a degree, I’d have a PhD or three. If I had fully let go this past week I could have gained fifteen pounds. I’m serious when I say that. So, praise God is was only two.
I must get up and keep going. I must. Thank you Lord.