You ever met someone who you really dislike, and as you try to analyze what rubs you the wrong way, you realize more and more that everything you hate about that person is what you hate about yourself??
I don’t want to dislike anyone, Lord. I want to love people and see them as you do. So then why, Lord? Why is it so hard to love the people that are closest to me? The people I should treat the best? And yet I treat them with them with the MOST scorn!!!
That’s not a word we hear much of anymore. “Scorn.” I struggle with this. Particularly with one of my siblings. It is genuinely not the desire of my heart. I need you, Lord.
I share this because meditating on the brokenness of our relationship makes me want to go back to some old bad habits. I don’t know why, just to cope with it by numbing what makes me miserable and uncomfortable instead of dealing with it. I guess. Oh Lord, free me of this destructive cycle. Help me love others and treat them with honor and respect! Change my heart, O God. This verse is not the same context, but definitely the same prayer of my heart. O hear me, Abba.
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” – Psalm 51:10