Day 37- Frozen 

Fear is paralyzing. The unknown is so frightening, and I will be honest and say that I have been living in some serious fears lately. Fear of not succeeding, fear of dying at my own rebellion (well deserved punishment), fear of never seeing victory, fear of my PCP (primary care practitioner) who only wants to throw pharmaceuticals at me, fear of disappointing the Lord, fear of that stupid prediction of me dying this year coming true. (I’ll be honest and say that I thought of that all year long), and lastly, fear of food. 

Yes, I’ve been living with fear of eating food. “Is this a carb, this is a carb, this is pure sugar, I can’t eat this, don’t touch that, you’ve had too much of that!” Etc. etc. I don’t know how I ended up here. Perhaps blogging has led me to this place of realization. But, here I am. Confessing these countless fears over and over to the Lord. I don’t want to be frozen in the icy discontent of life that I feel has been slowly encompassing me lately. I don’t want to be this self obsessed. 

Melt the ice that is hardening my heart Lord and heal me. Inside and out! I don’t want to die of a heart attack or stroke, despite the fact that I deserve it for my stiffed-neck walk with you! Have mercy on me O Savior! 

When I first got sick in 2014 my contestant Prayer was “save me from Sheol” and today I make this same plea my Lord. Be my Adonai. My master. My hope!!! I’ve felt sooo hopeless lately. 

WOOOOOOOAAAAHHH!!!! You are hearing me!!! Right this very second, this very second my sister in Christ just sent me this message… 

” For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”- Romans 8:18‭-‬25 (ESV)

This is for me!!! This, is for us! He is near to the broken-hearted!!! Thank you my Lord!!!! Lead me in waiting in patience!!!! I love you Jesus!! 

Everything else I was going to whine about was just trumped with TRUTH! I have nothing else to say! Thank you Lord!!! Thank you! 

G’nite readers & thank you my beloved sister, B. ❤ 

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