So a random turn of events ended up with me at one of my all-time favorite restaurants tonight. It’s Italian food. Yes, I know… yikes! I was pretty proud of myself. I opted to have a salad and half order of Chicken Parmesan. I figured I could handle the bread crumbs and marinara as my carbs for the meal. Then all of a sudden, a pizza appears in front of my face. Now, I ate really well. But, because the food was in my face, I couldn’t help but long for the cheesy goodness of the pizza! And before I knew it, without thinking, I ate a piece of pizza! The taste was so fresh and new and familiar yet different. And instead of walking away or pushing the food away, I ATE ANOTHER ONE!!!! I ate two pieces of pizza!! I haven’t eaten that many carbs in a long time!! I stopped and realized what I had done and I almost started to cry! It felt as if I had cheated on the Lord! Like I had broken my promise or commitment. I was super tempted to be angry at myself but He stopped me. It was as if He was showing me how easily I can wander and leave Him! I thought I already knew that!
In 12 steps there’s a saying that is something like “one bite is too much, and ten thousand is not enough.” Truer words have never been spoken. For any addict, having ten thousand bites, or hits, or drinks will never suffice. One simple bite, one simple bite led me to fall even harder. I ate two whole slices!!! I still cant believe it. On the one hand, I am thankful it wasn’t the whole pizza, cause Lord knows I could have made that happen too. But alas, there is a bit of disappointment. I shared this with my sister and she said, “Yeah, one bite. Like the garden of Eden.” That was so good. So very true. It was one bite. Lord forgive me for getting into that mess of a meal by not being sober-minded! I had a plan and then in the face of temptation, it all fell apart. See, I hope this makes it clear that my abstinence isn’t perfect. But because of Jesus, it is redemptive! Tomorrows a new day! Cant wait! His mercies are new everyday!! Thank you Lord!