Day 60- Go

Not wanting to go to gym. Woke up, opened my eyes and am just not in the mood! NO!!!! My goal for these next five weeks is to slowly push myself to walking/lightly jogging more and more. So last week I pushed myself to jog, this week I’m pushing myself to go farther. My legs are sore and I DON’T WANT TO!!!!! NOOOOOO!!!

Twenty minutes later…

Dragged myself out of the bed and saw my workout clothes staring at me with that, “Don’t you want to play?” look!! UGH! Put my clothes on. WAAAAHHHHH. Oh Lord, here’s my life. When you say go, I will go. Sigh. I am tired though. But I will. I will go. 😦

Day 59- Shoes

“My mama always said you can tell a lot about a person by their shoes, where they going, where they been.” –Forrest Gump.

One of the best lines ever written. Forrest Gump is my best friend and one of my heroes. He just gets me. Before I go off on a tangent…

There’s an awful lot you can tell about my raggedy shoes that are falling apart. I bet if these shoes could talk you’d hear about all the times I’ve walked on that treadmill. Times of prayer to be healed, crying out from pain, from exhaustion, begging for freedom and redemption, and on and on. I have been using these shoes since my last skeletoes died! About 3 years. They’re still holding up pretty well to be honest. I will dig up my skeletoes from 2011-2014 and photograph them for you. Those were the greatest shoes ever! Anyway… I am currently struggling with my shoes. I am switching between three shoes at the moment.

The greatest exercise shoe I’ve ever worn was the FILA Skeletoes first generation. They were so wonderful! Fit my foot perfectly! There was no underpronation issues because it molded perfectly to my foot, and it was minimal so nothing clunky or high. Then, FILA went and changed it all!!! GRR! Now the new ones adapt pretty well, but they have a draining vent that hurts my heels and the toes have fabric or sewing seams that cut my toes or give me blisters! So now I have to bandage up all my toes because they’re getting beaten up! I can’t stop using them because they’re minimal and don’t cause me any pain in my joints or feet!! I LOVE SKELETOES, but I’m dying here!!

My other running shoes have taken such a beating and they too are not supporting my foot well. The underpronation is causing major wear on them. Anyway, so here are my current shoes and even a pic of my feet!! (which I would never do because I hate feet!!) But wanted to share my struggle, despite my nasty unpainted toe nails!!! (I’m the nail polish queen, so that genuinely bugs me!!) Anyway, I am looking for the best minimal yet supportive shoe. Anyone have any ideas? Thanks y’all.

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Fila Skeletoes E-Z slide drainage

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Old running shoes

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The tops are starting to peel off. Oh perfect shoe… where are you???

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This is totally true. I wear these bandages as a badge of honor. Those band-aids are evidence of hard work and OBEDIENCE!! I trust you Lord. Lead me to the right shoe! 🙂

Day 58- Weekly Check in #6

So technically this should be weekly check in #8 or #9 but since I missed three weeks, I’ll just pick up here.

Last weigh in (12/12/16): 432

Current weight (1/9/17): 426

-6 lbs

Since 11/14/16, that’s a total loss of 21 lbs. I’m pretty shocked its not more considering how much and how fast it normally goes. But its all indicative of my eating. When its messy, the pounds don’t come off as quickly! Technically this makes it 38 lbs lost from my highest weight of 464 lbs. So when I consider those numbers, I feel a bit better. But I, and we cannot let the scale define how good or bad we do or feel. Its a process and its hard! So, today, its 6 lbs less than last week and 21 lbs lost since I started this journey with you. And for that Lord, I am thankful!

 

 

Day 57- Plan

Okay, so not dwelling on my failure yesterday, I decided that today I would plan better! I left church service and after lunch, we went grocery shopping. I decided that I would meal prep for the whole week and I didn’t care if it took me all day! It practically did!

I made another zucchini lasagna, a broccoli au gratin, diced veggies for the week and even made my morning breakfast for the week (ham and egg white “muffins”)! I’m so excited to not have to worry about this during the week!! Praise Jesus!! It took me a total of 4 hours, 6 hours including shopping! But, it is worth it!! I’m mad that I forgot to photograph everything!! Hopefully, I remember next week.

I will share this photo. While walking to the register, I come upon this ILLUMINATED candy rack!! The produce is under dim light, but the candy is bright and shiny!!! Oh, America. It’s like DEFEAT is the plan… conspiracy, anyone?? (Seriously, don’t get me started on this!! lol) I came upon this sight and started saying… “Oooooohhh get behind me satan!” LOL!! With all those lights, I genuinely meant it! I hope one day, the produce will get this much attention.

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Day 56- One Bite

So a random turn of events ended up with me at one of my all-time favorite restaurants tonight. It’s Italian food. Yes, I know… yikes! I was pretty proud of myself. I opted to have a salad and half order of Chicken Parmesan. I figured I could handle the bread crumbs and marinara as my carbs for the meal. Then all of a sudden, a pizza appears in front of my face. Now, I ate really well. But, because the food was in my face, I couldn’t help but long for the cheesy goodness of the pizza! And before I knew it, without thinking, I ate a piece of pizza! The taste was so fresh and new and familiar yet different. And instead of walking away or pushing the food away, I ATE ANOTHER ONE!!!! I ate two pieces of pizza!! I haven’t eaten that many carbs in a long time!! I stopped and realized what I had done and I almost started to cry! It felt as if I had cheated on the Lord! Like I had broken my promise or commitment. I was super tempted to be angry at myself but He stopped me. It was as if He was showing me how easily I can wander and leave Him! I thought I already knew that!

In 12 steps there’s a saying that is something like “one bite is too much, and ten thousand is not enough.” Truer words have never been spoken. For any addict, having ten thousand bites, or hits, or drinks will never suffice. One simple bite, one simple bite led me to fall even harder. I ate two whole slices!!! I still cant believe it. On the one hand, I am thankful it wasn’t the whole pizza, cause Lord knows I could have made that happen too. But alas, there is a bit of disappointment. I shared this with my sister and she said, “Yeah, one bite. Like the garden of Eden.” That was so good. So very true. It was one bite. Lord forgive me for getting into that mess of a meal by not being sober-minded! I had a plan and then in the face of temptation, it all fell apart. See, I hope this makes it clear that my abstinence isn’t perfect. But because of Jesus, it is redemptive! Tomorrows a new day! Cant wait! His mercies are new everyday!! Thank you Lord!

Day 55- Copernican Principle

So I cannot stop thinking about something my Astronomy professor said yesterday. In discussing Copernicus and the heliocentric universe, he spoke about how great a discovery it must have been back in the day when Copernicus noted that Earth was just one of many planets and that they in fact went around the sun, instead of the sun going around them. He said that one of the greatest lessons we can take away from this is that we are not special. He noted that there is even a principle in the world of Cosmology and Science as a whole called the “Copernican Principle” in which (in his words) essentially says, that we are not special and any idea that puts man in the center of a theory or principle is suspect.

I couldn’t believe my ears. He has made clear that he is neither an atheist nor a believer. Yet he is an evolution believing Astrophysicist who ironically revers, [as most scientist do], the work of Sir Isaac Newton, a Creationist who loved and wrote about God, quite frequently. It all makes me laugh. However, I digress.

I love this professor. He’s very smart, and funny, but his understanding of the Copernican principle made my jaw drop. Think about those words. “Any idea that puts man at the center, is suspect.” That is the very thing the world, and most, if not all religion does.

It is in fact the world [and its religions, philosophies and worldviews therein] that tells man that man can be gods. Man can one day reach perfection, or enlightenment or any other form of nirvana that man pursues. Man elevates himself by revering his own mind and capacity to learn, understand and reason. In praising IQ, knowledge and even his own piety Man elevates himself to the center of his own worship- SELF. Thus living out the Copernican Principle. This idea with man at the center, is incredibly suspect.

Yet, Scripture teaches us a different thing!

Ephesians 2 (NIrV)

You were living in your sins and lawless ways. But in fact you were dead. You used to live as sinners when you followed the ways of this world. You served the one who rules over the spiritual forces of evil. He is the spirit who is now at work in those who don’t obey God. At one time we all lived among them. Our desires were controlled by sin. We tried to satisfy what they wanted us to do. We followed our desires and thoughts. God was angry with us like he was with everyone else. That’s because of the kind of people we all were. But God loves us deeply. He is full of mercy. So he gave us new life because of what Christ has done. He gave us life even when we were dead in sin. God’s grace has saved youGod raised us up with Christ. He has seated us with him in his heavenly kingdom. That’s because we belong to Christ Jesus. He has done it to show the riches of his grace for all time to come. His grace can’t be compared with anything else. He has shown it by being kind to us. He was kind to us because of what Christ Jesus has doneGod’s grace has saved you because of your faith in Christ. Your salvation doesn’t come from anything you do. It is God’s gift. It is not based on anything you have done. No one can brag about earning it10 We are God’s creation. He created us to belong to Christ Jesus. Now we can do good works. Long ago God prepared these works for us to do.

Ephesians 2 proves that man didn’t come up with The Bible’s truths and teachings. It proves man hasn’t changed or rigged the word. Because who would want to give glory to someone else rather than themselves? Every religion, philosophy, theory and worldview out there looks to elevate self and not One Supreme Creator who designed the world and all of life with beautiful and intricate intelligent design.

I can apply the Copernican principle to my battle with my Goliath. I am not special. I simply revolve and rotate around the SON! I am not special, and I am not able to do this on my own. He alone, King Jesus Christ alone gives me everything I need to live and honor Him. Amen Lord. Thank you that even in the midst of secular learning, you are found. If we didn’t worship, the rocks would cry out!! Hallelujah!

Day 54- Sisterhood

Had an amazing time of fellowship with my sisters today. We all shared where we are and how life is going and I just have to say that what the Psalmist wrote is very, very true. “Behold how good and pleasant it is, when God’s people dwell together in unity.” –Psalm 133:1

If you are not dwelling together with a body, I encourage you to reach out. There is nothing satan wants more than to keep us alone and isolated. When I am alone, isolating myself on purpose, all I am thinking about is sin. How I can sin and what sin I can get into. Left to my own devices, I am absolutely self-destructive and I will get myself in deep trouble. I am like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Absolute wickedness inside of my heart, which scripture assures me is “wicked and desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9). This duality of man exists in all of us, and I assure you that if you are not sharing your life with others, it will end badly. We are called to confess to one another and to meet daily so we won’t be deceived by the wickedness of sin. I am so thankful for this sisterhood and the beautiful, albeit short time we spent together tonight. Thank you Lord.